"But by the grace of God I am what I am! 1 Corin. 15:10"

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Let go and let God....

Pin It I've heard this all my life and have even said it and tried to do it before but I guess I am just not doing too well.  I just don't know how to do that.  How to wake up every morning and just say, "Good Morning God!  Thanks for all I have, and may this day belong to You!"  I can say that but I know it won't always be true or meaningful since most the time I am complaining about how early it was that I got woke up by Maddie.  I should be thankful that she could wake up and come into our room to say to me, "Good Morning Momma!  Are you happy?"  Most days I just grumble a 'morning' and say 'sure'  Why do I have to be so selfish and complain because I can't sleep in anymore?  I know my husband works hard for us everyday but he gets to sleep at least 2 hours more everyday then I do and then he gets to sleep in on Saturday too.  Why can't I just be happy that he gets to do that because I know he works hard everyday!?!  I do get to sleep until about 8:30a on Sunday so I guess I should be happy about that too.  Then it's the hurry up and get myself ready, Maddie ready and waiting on Shane to get ready.

I am just so tired anymore, seems like keeping Maddie happy and entertained and trying to keep this house clean is so hard sometimes.  I know that is my job since I stay at home with her but there are so many days I wish that was working again, it seemed so much easier!  At least I had a break from Maddie and got to visit with adults.  (Not that I don't love Maddie but I need some time away from her sometimes!)  I feel like I am failing in all that I try to do lately!

I have been trying lately to do better and to be a better person.  We finally got back into church which I know is a very good thing.  It has bringing me closer to God which I was def. wandering away from.  Not that I was doing anything bad, just not being as kind, patient as I need to be.   I know I am still not where I need to be with Him but it is a constant journey.  I don't know how He can love us like He does and forgive us so much.  Seems like I am constantly asking Him for forgiveness for losing my patience like I do, raising my voice to Maddie, having all these selfish thoughts because I have to stay home and only leave the house twice a week but Shane gets to leave everyday!  lol  How or what do I have to do to be at peace with who I am and what I am?  Some days I have that feeling like I am just going to burst because I am so happy to have a great family, a house to live in, a truck to get where I need to go, food in the fridge and a laptop to stay connected with the world. Other days I feel like I'm in a little bitty cell and have such a claustrophobic feeling and just want to run away!  How do you keep that happy feeling all the time?


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